Christian Living · depression · Grief · prayer

11.27.17

Psalm 34.18

My first text was sent at 11 AM with no response; not even his usual “I’m in a meeting” response.  I did not think anything of it.  Then after a few more text messages and a few more no responses I knew in my heart of hearts something was wrong.

Working with someone daily for four years you learn things about them.  Being their assistant you become their right hand.  Any good assistant worth their weight in gold can tell you how his/her boss will respond to situations and knows his/her schedule like no one else in their organization.  Finally at 1:47 PM when I had no response my heart sank.  I knew something was wrong.  Then I picked up my phone to call his girlfriend and she was calling me.  When I called our home office and all our Sales Directors and no one heard from him, we both knew.

To say this man was my boss does not do him justice.  He was one of three very special mentors I have had in my industry.  He was my day-to-day.  I began and ended my work day with him; sometimes even on the weekends.  He was the only man allowed to interrupt a dinner with my husband or a family event with my husband’s permission (yes, I am that wife).  He was like my older brother and knew most of my immediate family members.

So, when I got the call on November 27, 2017 that this man had passed I was crushed.  It was almost like a part of me went with him.  Four years!  Four years of daily training, conversations, and lessons learned.  Four years of travel across Texas and late night conversations during our drives.  Four years of broken bread over breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Four years of corny jokes and the funny, goofy, ridiculousness that was Rey.

I had never lost anyone of that importance in my life other than my grandparents.    But this one was different-I didn’t “have to” care for him and love him; I chose to because of who he was to me.  So to say that I was grieving was an understatement.  The adrenaline of keeping our business together and managing the social aspect of his funeral between vendors, agents, and family members kept me going the first two weeks following his passing.  But then the adrenaline wore off and I was lost.

Week 3, Day 1:  I took a trip to DFW and cried the whole way there and the whole way back.  This was our usual planning and catching up time.  Now who will fill that void?  Then Day 2-3 I stayed home and cried and sulked and binge watched Netflix.  Then Day 4 a depression set in but I pretended everything was okay.  Then Day 5 I picked up my journal.  I was reminded of Sarah Koontz’s Worthy of the Calling  study as I flipped through my journal.  All my notes and re-reading the emails was such a comfort.  But battling the depression was hard.

At the end of week 3 following his passing, I was in a full on depression and everyone had left me alone but it was time for our office Christmas party.  I went and pretended everything was awesome.  Fortunately, my family did not allow me to suffer alone.  They understood but they stepped in and helped me through with laughter and love.  The Christmas party was the first time I was completely dressed in weeks.  But it helped to get out and road trips with my husband are always a good time.

Where I was at that point in time:

  •  I lived on my living room couch
  • In all honesty, my hygiene was probably at 80% functional; I had bad days
  • I checked email and did my job with minimal effort; just enough to get by
  • I cried at any mention of his name
  • I got angry with any one who wanted to know the burning question of “Who is replacing Rey?”
  • I avoided phone calls from the insincere people and checked in on the people I knew truly cared for him
  • I found my Hope Prevails book and bible study
  • I barely talked to my husband and family and friends
  • I disengaged from social media
  • I binged on Hulu and Netflix almost 24 hours a day (full transparency these were not Christian shows)
  • My only comfort was working on Rey’s projects and finishing his ideas to get them to home office and watching Hulu and Netflix

So, how did I get over all this?  How did I deal with losing someone so close to me?

Easy answer: BUT GOD!

After being on meds a couple of days, I picked up my Bible and found comfort immediately.  I asked for prayers from family and friends.  I went to the doctor and got medical help.   I read through my Worthy of the Calling study again.  I read through my Hope Prevails book and study again.  I followed Dr. Michelle’s RX for depression at the end of each section of her book and study.  I also listened to her playlists she gives after each section (love this feature of her book) But most of all, I remembered who I am because of Whose I am.

But most of all, I remembered who I am because of Whose I am.

God and Rey as well, would not want me not living life.  For a few short weeks I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me.  I stopped living and became a Hulu/Netflix zombie.  However, I know now in my business world life will go on following some of his vision and instilling the vision of my new boss.  I have accepted that.

In my personal world I know that what this man taught me will never be forgotten.    Every day, as I reflect through notes, journals and projects I still get Rey’s wisdom from the things I wrote down from meetings and phone calls.  Every day I pass on some of his nuggets of wisdom down to our existing and new agents. Every day I wake up and live life to the fullest for God and in my business world I try to live up to Rey’s expectations of me and for me.

Some days are easy and some days are hard, but what I have figured out is that I now have an angel in heaven looking over me and God is the only one who can fill the void of Rey being gone.  I also figured out that Netflix and Hulu have some pretty good shows.

Finally, how I grieved is different from how you will grieve during the loss of someone significant in your life.  But what I do know is God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  He will always fill any void in your life.

God Bless,

Myra Medina-Hutcheson

A Blessed Woman in TX

 

 

 

bible journaling · Christian Living · Christian Mother · Christian Wife · motherhood · prayer · warbinder · warroom · Writing

Worthy of the Calling Bible Study (Days 1-14)

tiara
She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her. ~Psalm 3:15

I am about to be as transparent as I can be.  The last year has been rough.  Marriage is hard.  Blending lives is difficult.  Couple that with two demanding jobs, a husband working on his doctorate, a 15 year old boy, growing into a young man, learning to drive and pursuing his dream of baseball.  Non-stop weekends that start on Saturday morning at 5 AM and end Sunday night at 11:59 PM.  You combine it all and Satan has been given an opportunity to dwell around the Hutcheson household.  He has lingered and brought a cloud of negativity like no other.  My children were bickering, my husband and I were in constant disagreement, and illness has plagued our home-me, kids, husband.  To say Satan had a foothold on my life and in our home is an understatement.

At the beginning of October, I was admitted to the hospital.  Prior to being admitted, my  husband and I were on the brink of divorce.  My son was not talking to his father.  My girls were not talking to each other.  Misery and heartache were overshadowing my positive outlook with a darkness and taking over my life.  I was not fun to be around.  I loathed getting up.  I did not care what I looked like or if anyone saw me like that.   My breaking point was reached.

My first night in the hospital was fine.  I was only being monitored.  Then the next day I was told my gall bladder needed to be looked at because I was symptomatic of that.  A day later I found out I was chronic.  My gall bladder was full of stones and suddenly I understood half of the reason I felt the way I did.  Surgery was scheduled and it was the most horrible pain of my life.  I would say worse than childbirth.

20171021_18291859285302.jpgI had too much time in the hospital and at home resting for a total of seven days.  I had to do something so I read books, wrote, jounaled, etc.  In that time I picked up my tablet and started doing a deep dive into a bible study called Worthy of the Calling by Sarah Koontz I had the pleasure of previewing, helping with edits, and launching it.  I never knew this book of the Bible was the RX I needed.  Ephesians!  I have studied it often.  Never like this!

Sarah Koontz has a way with words and explanations that I do not need a Masters of Theology to understand what she is telling me.  I have done Beth Moore and Priscilla Shirer studies spending hours daily studying.  Half the time I missed a lot of the meat of the issue because I just wanted to get through it.  But Sarah only needed 15 minutes of my attention and WOW!  I never knew 15 minutes could make a big difference in my life.  Sarah spoke to me in short emails that spoke to my hardened heart.

When I was given the opportunity to launch her bible study, I had no idea of the impact it would have on my life.  I have read many Christian books and studies but this one study on Ephesians changed me.  For the better.

Sarah’s easy to understand text intertwined with daily activities and the most beautiful freebies I have ever seen created for a study, make this a winner for any woman at any stage of her life.

Day 01 Quote Graphic Ephesians Study

In the last 14 days I have learned that in Christ I am:

  • Chosen in Love to be holy and blameless
    • I am not at fault because Jesus has paid the price for me and my sins
  • Chosen by God to be His daughter; a recipient of His inheritance
    • I am His princess entitled to the riches of His kingdom
  • Forgiven
  • Redeemed
  • A treasured possession
  • Free
  • Defined by God (and ONLY God)
  • Humble

Day 12 Quote Graphic Ephesians StudyThis is a short list of what I have learned in the first 14 days.  By day one I learned that with the first two verses of Ephesians 1:1-2 I AM WORTHY!  I am a faithful servant of Jesus Christ.  I remembered who I am and whose I am.  By day three, my marriage was saved.  My husband and I talked through our issues like never before because my heart was softened.  By day seven, my girls were loving one another and being kind to one another again.   By day fourteen, a father and son finally hugged for the first time in months.  Satan is no longer lingering in our home.     Why?  Because through this study, I found my Christian heart again.  I was reminded of an unconditional love of a father and his daughter.

I never realized how much changes when we truly put God first.  This study has helped me establish good study habits because I could not wait to see what God, through Sarah, would share with me.  I enjoy my Sabbath now with rest and reflection because Sarah stresses this within the study as well.  Whether it was reading my prayer cards or coloring my downloads, I have finally truly learned to rest.

In this study, I have cried tears of sadness, prayed in a different more spirtitual way and let my past go.  I can look myself in the mirror for the first time in a long time and see the woman God created me to be-fearfully and wonderfully made.  I have nothing to be ashamed of because all my trials were the ones He prepared for me.  He knows my story.  He wrote it.  Only He knows the ending.  No matter what path I choose going forward, I know I am Worthy of His Calling on my life.

In September of this year, I would wake up.  Get dressed.  I might brush my hair or I might not.  I would go to work.  Come home. Live in depression and strife.   I, a blessed woman of God, never understood that I am worthy only because He made me.

Today, I woke up blessed and full of His love for me.  I got dressed.  I did my hair.  I put on my makeup and looked in the mirror for the first time in months and said “I am Worthy”.

Thank you, Sarah Koontz!  Because of this study, my family has been saved.  I have come out of the darkness which has brought others in my home out of the darkness.  God is first again.

I cannot wait  to see what else God has in store for me in the next 17 days of walking with Sarah through the rest of Ephesians.

If you feel the call to join Sarah, please click the image below.

A Free 31-Day Study of Ephesians Pinnable 1