For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven ~Ecclesiastes 3:1
As I was driving back from Dallas last night, I was struggling with the changes I need to make in 2015-kids growing up, career changes, and oh yea-I become a pastor’s wife. I looked in my review mirror and saw my 17 year old fast asleep and I asked myself “where has this year gone?” I looked over at my son sitting next to me in the front with his head phones in and he is definitely his father’s son. That thought warms my heart. He is growing up to be all the good parts of his father. Loving, Kind, Caring. God-fearing. And soon he begins the last phase of childhood-high school. So many changes for us in 2014 and even more in 2015. How do I deal with all these changes? Then I am remembered Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 God is with me always as long as I stay content.
During the trip home, I received a call from a church member just checking up on me. I told her what was going on and she said something to me that struck hard. She said, “Pray and ask God if your purpose is being fulfilled.” WOW! I have prayed a lot of things but that is one I forget about. What is my purpose???
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
God gave me a purpose. He knows it, I know it (or at least think I do).
I am passionate about what I do for a living. God gave me a purpose and I am living it out. However, my job duties required me to be away from the office and my home 2-4 days a week. Now that I am back to normal so to speak, I feel so disconnected. Disconnected from my office and coworker friends; disconnected from my children and most importantly disconnected from myself.
I should be on cloud 9 right now with 390% increased sales in one market and 25% in another. I have two amazing jobs with two amazing bosses. I have a beautiful man of God who loves me like no other and between us we have 6 beautiful children who provide us so much joy and happiness. So why am I so “BLAH?”
It’s because I am disconnected from ME.
Since February 2014 I have been traveling up and down the I-35 corridor from Austin to Dallas and occasionally taking a diversion down I-20 to Longview. I have missed 4 baseball games, 4 football games, spent little time with my children, ended one very bad relationship, grew my agent force in two markets, increased sales for our company, and rediscovered my one true love in life and made my family complete again, well almost complete.
I have been on a whirlwind of agent trainings, agent dinners, agent lunches, product launches, provider engagement, and no time for me or my family. The little time I did have I spent with Lee and the kids but I was still “on” at work. I answered my phone at 8 or 9 pm at night, sometimes even midnight. I was at the office at 8 or 9 pm at night if not driving home at 1 or 2 am. That is not quality time! Lee is the first to tell me about it too 🙂
I have worn myself out.
Have you been there? You give and give and give you just can’t give anymore? I find myself cranky and irritable. I find myself being a not nice person. I just want to be left alone but then I come home and people are here, I go to the office people are there. I’m not happy because I’m exhausted. I have worn my body out!
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
So, today, I worked from home after I got the kids off at school and went to my doctor appointment. I did some soul searching and I found myself again. I also made a commitment to God and myself that in 2015 this will not happen again. I don’t like feeling that way.
Here are some things God put on my heart:
Lee is first and foremost. Our children will grow up and leave but he is with me forever. God made us to be one flesh and I need to make him the same priority he makes me.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31
My children still need me even though they aren’t little anymore. My youngest is 13 and my 17 year old turns 18 next month and graduates in June. Then she is suppose to launch into adulthood and this precious little baby I brought home 18 years ago is starting her life as a young woman. My baby boy makes the transition from Middle to High school and he’s the baby of the family. That’s our last born child. Sigh! Where did the time go? I am so blessed to be a mother to them all.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. Psalm 139:13-16
My job will still be there even if I’m not. If I do not return to the office tomorrow, they will function without me.
Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him Ephesians 6:5-9
I need to slow down and listens to ALL God’s purposes for me not just at work but in all aspects of my life. I am a Woman of God. How am I living out my faith? Am I living up to the Proverbs 31 woman? I am a wife-to-be. Am I submiting to Lee as I should? I am a mother. Am I training my children in the direction they should go? But of all I am, most importantly I am a child of God and I am his temple. If I do not take care of me, I will self destruct. I am also a mirror to my children of how to live. My children learn from me. The wife I will be, the parenting I do and how I live my life even at 24, 17, and 13 they are still learning. I need to slow down and set a better example.
So tonight to help me slow down, I pray the 23rd Psalm:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
3 He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
Goodnight and God Bless
A Blessed Woman